MARRIAGES OF INCONVENIENCE

We all make mistakes in life. Some are easily corrected while others are not so easily mended. The act of getting married is not so much about committing to another, but about merging one’s life with the life of another. You accept every aspect of that person’s life as you would your own. What should you do when you realize you have made a mistake in judgment?

Many of us are aware of the potential problems we will face when we choose to accept our partner in our lives. Our deep emotional bond with this person may cloud our judgment from the reality of those issues. Differing life goals encompass a wide range of issues that distress married couples.

Simply agreeing to give up your dreams and plans in support of that of your partner will not vanquish your desire to live out those dreams. The bond between you and your partner is severed in that moment whether you choose to remain in the marriage or not.

The ideal of being equally yoked is often quite different in reality. While one takes a role of dominance and the other assumes a role of submission, but this is only personality characteristics. Your submissive wife may be infinitely more qualified to handle the family finances than you are. You may be more suited toward working a low paying  job while she goes on to college. We cannot always choose our strong points.

Perhaps, this wasn’t your ideal plan for the marriage, but building upon the strengths of a family is a mutual benefit. Marriages suffer when issues of pride and self defeat divide the partners. We tend to think marriages fail because one partner feels held back. A marriage can be fated to failure when one partner chooses to free the other to experience their full potential.

Staying in a distressed marriage solely for the children is admirable. It is not ideal and perhaps some would argue this is not a good enough reason to stay married. Children alter the priorities of both partners significantly. From the moment of conception your priorities, and that of your partner’s, shift toward raising the children.

Regardless of what you have been told, an ideal home family structure for a child involves both the biological mother and father. If it were any other way, we would all be capable of conceiving children asexually, but children only require this structure for a short while during those crucial developmental years.

They are capable of dealing emotionally with a divorce once they are old enough to remain home without parental supervision. This also greatly reduces the complications of divorce. Negotiating custodial rights can be amicable considering the children are old enough to tend to themselves and perhaps travel from one home to the other on their own.

Granted, there are a myriad of other valid reasons divorce would be warranted, such as domestic violence, adultery and prolonged substance addiction. But we have addressed the more common factors that constitute what would be considered irreconcilable differences. Properly addressing such issues greatly reduces the emotional as well as the legal ramifications typically associated with divorce.

Wrestling with my Inner Liberal

I consider myself a practicing conservative. I may not agree with everything my fellow conservatives do, but I tend to lean more in their favor on the overall issues. My problem comes from what I refer to as my inner liberal. This is that tiny voice in my head that play’s devil’s advocate and causes me to question my own conservative values. This is frightening. Because the more I learn about the world around me the more I am in danger of becoming a liberal!

The benefit of being a conservative is that there are a lot of us. It is rare for one of us to find ourselves in a room full of liberals. The liberals are like the other guy. They are those we talk about, but really never see. If we do see a liberal, then he is typically the quiet minority in the room. We conservatives have our perception of what liberals are. My work typically, places me face to face with real liberals. And it is becoming harder for me to be conservative when I see the issues from their side of the fence.

I counseled a young single mother with three young children struggling to survive and facing the prospect of losing those children. I am not oblivious to the fact that I was hired for this part-time position as a result of my conservative views. My mental conservative handbook clearly states the young woman got herself into this mess. But I cannot help but to feel compassion for her. My inner liberal says that not all situations are so clearly defined.

The next woman I met would have faced the same fate as the first, but made a difficult choice that she is struggling to live with. Again, my conservative handbook is very clear. Yet my inner liberal references the heartbreaking struggle of the young mother who will surely lose her children.

Although I may not agree with their decisions, I begin to have compassion for those who must make difficult decisions. I guess I am coming to terms with my inner liberal. I secretly refer to myself now as a hybrid conservative. No longer do my freedoms begin where your ends.

I’m not sure who coined that phrase. I have found that the issue is not always simply about freedom of choice, but more often about consequence of choice. I still have my conservative views, but I now have a great deal of respect for liberals. I may not agree with their choices, but I have learned their choices are often very difficult and not taken lightly.

Image Credit: Trish Steel [CC-BY-SA-2.0 (http://creativecommons.org/licenses/by-sa/2.0)], via Wikimedia Commons

The Monster Within

It is said that within each of us is that which we hide and that which we present to the world. If it can be assumed that we present the best of ourselves outwardly, then what can be said of that part of ourselves we hide? We may not be proud of what can be described as our dark side, but we cannot deny it is equally a part of who we are. Can accepting our dark side make us a more complete person?

Perhaps, if we can come to understand the root nature of where our baser urges originate we can benefit from them. In the old days, we could not objectively explore our dark side without the assistance of a talented psychotherapist.

Today, we only need to look into our laptop files to see what our dark side prefers. Our computers are often the keepers of who we really are. Within them are the parts of ourselves neatly separated into files. What would a loved one think if they happened upon our opened computer? What would the F.B.I. think? Are we feeling somewhat uncomfortable yet?

Some would argue that a person who has something to hide is guilty. Others would argue that someone who has nothing to hide suffers from deep repression. But this does not mean you cannot win in the realm of the dark side. We merely need to acknowledge and accept all of ourselves rather than only the portions we admire.

When discovered, the evidence of our dark side is often placed on display like a crime scene. We are tried and judged by others based upon what is discovered. But if the jury were able to understand the true nature of what they were seeing their verdict may be entirely different. We will example a common dark side item typically found by chance in the hidden files of your computer.

Porn would be the most commonly discovered secret in a computer left opened . In relationships, discovery of the porn collection can become quite an issue. Your partner may assume you are somehow dissatisfied with the relationship or even question your fidelity.

In truth, this is the question you should have long since asked yourself. Upon reflection, you may find that your porn collection is not an exercise in deviance at all, but an appreciation of aesthetic beauty. The early works of Michelangelo and Leonardo da Vinci could have once been easily considered porn for its day. Are those that admire these works regarded as deviants today?

In the search for the inner source of your porn collecting you may discover your inner creative side. Perhaps sketching your partner and making her a work of art to be admired for centuries to come is a better solution than attempting to explain to her why you collect porn. What we have exampled is a positive outlet for something that would typically, become a flaw in our psyche. There are many examples that apply. Imagine the dark urges of your favorite authors of horror fiction.

We wonder what type of demented mind could rend and tear the flesh of his fellow man, yet gladly, appreciate him for removing the tumor from our bodies. How would your talented surgeon’s dark side have manifested itself had he not pursued a career in medicine?

Barring the existence of past physical or psychological trauma, our dark nature is often a manifestation of our creative wellspring. Identifying the source of that nature becomes vital in knowing who we are. Perhaps, then our dark proclivities become something we would gladly present to the world.

For those of us who missed our calling, perhaps the evidence of our dark side is best kept hidden behind secure passwords and buried in non-disclosed locations.

Image Credit: dark-road-MorgueFile-By-howaral.jpg

Take a Daycation

Often we see articles about great vacation get-away locations far removed from where we are. I often read these articles and dream of what it would be like to visit there, but overlook the great vacation attractions we have right here in my local area. All you would have to do is plan as you would typically for a vacation, but with the local attractions you have at home. A daycation isn’t limited to the day and can be as short as a weekend or as long as a week.

If you have been saving a little money away each month for your vacation days, you can have much more enjoyable local vacation without the travel expense. One of the downsides of just getting out of the house for a few days is that it is more of a chore than a vacation. Making meals for the family and gathering everything needed for the grill is a part of that.

Consider a stay at the nicer hotels in your area. Room service, a massage and a relaxing mid morning nap by the pool certainly makes for a better daycation for the wife and daughter than making sandwiches. And maybe an afternoon at the local spa followed by reservations to a nice restaurant in your area would be nice. The money saved on travel expenses can add these nice touches to a daycation.

Many local boat shops will trailer a boat to the water for a weekend rental if you already have a boating license. You may even get cheaper rates renting a boat for the weekend considering you are a local rather than a tourist. This makes for an enjoyable family day on the lake. Also, you can invite your friends along rather than just sending a postcard.

Typically, there will be theatrical events and festivals in your local area that coincide with your vacation dates. Perhaps, in the past you have missed these fun events because you were abroad. A day at a local event can be made more enjoyable when spent with friends, neighbors and family!

Perhaps the most rewarding benefit of the daycation is that it can also be practical. Those plans to contract small home renovations fit nicely into this time away from home. Your contractors can have the whole week to renovate your kitchen or bathroom. This makes for a wonderful return home gift.

Compare the expenses of a full vacation abroad to one closer to home and the bottom line speaks for itself. And you can look forward to your next daycation next year!

Image Credit: Busena_Terrace-CC-BY-2.-5-Author-663highland

A Gift to my Father

What does Dad want? We ask ourselves this question several times each year.

He may be staunchly resistant to divulging his wish list. Unfortunately, this may result in some potentially horrid gifts. I have to admit, I have witnessed some awful ties, sweaters and pungent aftershaves around the water cooler after gift giving holidays. In confidence, I have even worn a few. What would perhaps be considered the best gift for Dad doesn’t cost anything. It is more than the gift of our time. Maybe we do spend a lot of quality time with Dad, but we are talking about something more substantial than the afternoon beer on the porch. As we get older, we may have forgotten that Dad was once the authority on all life issues we faced.

Our ascension into adulthood did not make him any less the authority. I’m reminded of a time when I faced a potentially volatile crisis. I looked over to see my dad staring back at me intently. I asked him for his advice to which he replied, “I’m glad you asked.” 

Someone once said it takes a village to raise a child. It definitely takes a family. Although some are better than others, good parenting is not a talent but a skill handed down from generation to generation. Often we use our own parents as models for how we raise our children. We hope to use the same good judgment in some situations and avoid their mistakes. I regarded my father’s parenting advice with my children as invaluable. More importantly, my father was more to my children than the nice old guy who always had a dollar to give.

My children will tell you, granddad was Marlon Brando in The Godfather and Tom Hanks in Road to Perdition. He was iconic to them. It is ironic that while parenting is a word, grandparenting is not. Perhaps this is a term that refers to something that only I knew in my own family. There is no difference in the respect I gave my father and the respect I expect from my children. He sat at the head of my table across from me when we ate together, and my children knew he commanded my respect.

As a result, my children showed him the same honor and respect. This would have remained true if he had lived to be a century old. There is no name for this gift I gave to my father every day of my life. I continue giving it in the way I live my life today even after his death. Quite simply, my dad was a father every day.

And perhaps, this gift was the love, honor and respect of his family.

Image Credit: MorgueFile By Alvimann

About My Name: Edenjaid is SEO Infamous!

Your Name Can Be The Strongest Tool You Have in Search Engine Optimization or The Worst

My name is actually not special, John D. Cumberland. John is what hospitals name you when they don’t know who you are. Jaid is derived from my initials, J.D.C. I was referred to as J.D. growing up because of the prevalence of other family members also named John. We have quite a few Janes as well. Despite the lack of originality in our names, we are actually a very close family and take time to get together often. My 4 year old niece loved to ride on my shoulders and would call to me to pick her up. She couldn’t yet correctly pronounce “J.D.” so she would call me “Jade”, and the name stuck. Within my family, this was my pet name and it has stayed with me until this day.

Edenjaid is the character I play on a popular online fantasy game called World of Warcraft. She leads eight guilds total with nearly 10,000 active members across three servers. Eden is infamous among this niche. And her guild, Ørion is among the oldest on the game. Before the search engines changed the way they rank searches, simply searching “Edenjaid” on Google would net you nearly 100,000 relevant hits. Today, searching Edenjaid on Google will only net you around 2000 relevant hits. But this is still quite impressive for a humble night elf. How is this relevant to SEO?

Ørion’s website and blog was displaying Google Adsense advertisement for a while as a means to supplement our site host fees. Upon checking my Adsense account, I noticed that I had a lot of clicks. I mean a lot. In our first month of hosting Adsense, Ørion had earned nearly $2000 in revenue! Over the span of 11 months we had earned nearly $30,000 in ad revenue. Now before you run out and get your Warcraft Game from Walmart and host Adsense it’s important to note that I got banned from Adsense. I had a membership base of nearly 10,000 and they were clicking my ads, thinking they were helping the site. They were, just not within Google’s terms of service. After the ban, I felt lucky two nerds dressed in smart black business suits donning Ray-Bans and pocket protectors hadn’t yet arrived at my door offering me a ride to an undisclosed location.

My experience was quite by accident, having no idea how online marketing worked and very little understanding of how advertising could be manipulated. I also had two of perhaps the most important tools in online marketing. I had a highly marketable name, and thousands of potential customers. The incident with Adsense could have gotten me into serious trouble. I only post my story to dissuade readers from making the same mistakes I did. I will never be able to have an Adsense account again. That is gone for me.

This was my first lesson in online marketing and advertising. After the Adsense ban, I noticed any site that bore the name of Edenjaid began to net big profits for online sales. Soon Eden was all over the search engines, popping up in places where she had no business being. She began to be featured in online articles having no connection to her at all. Before long, Eden even received the ultimate honor usually reserved for celebrities. She was faked and posted nude on the internet! I received none of these profits and had sullied the good name of my little night elf. I vowed to make amends.

Today, Edenjaid receives considerably less search engine results but those results are no longer questionable. Eden is turning over a new leaf and marketing her name in a respectable way. The good name of my little night elf is slowing becoming a household word again on the search engines. Having learned her lesson, she limits the use of her extensive membership base to in game raids and attacks and no longer wields them upon unsuspecting search engines.

Image Credit : Edenjaid.

Existential Crisis

Existential Crisis

This will not be gentle as I do not owe you a goddamned thing. I do not believe in a god that would wish us to kill each other. I do not believe any god who would create universal law and then bend or break that law for us. I do not believe we are here to hate or subjugate others for the color of their skin or the nature of their beliefs. I cannot believe in your gods because of the obvious lapses in common fucking sense.

The doctrine is clearly bullshit! Heaven is the same as the reality of rich people with golden mansions? Paradise is filled with subjugated virgins? We are just born to die with no purpose for being at all but to die? Did you really think this through before you made this shit up? You now judge others, indoctrinate your children and justify murder based upon this loosely aggregated fantasy you must glue together with faith in denial of simple common sense?

Maybe this is the way it is supposed to be. Maybe this world is one gigantic toilet bowl where dumb mutherfuckers incapable of grasping reality are discarded. And drugs, alcohol and suicide are the salvation from the sanctified idiots with all the answers. Maybe when I do drugs, drink alcohol or commit suicide I am not going to hell... Maybe I'm leaving it?! Either way... One thing is certain. You stupid elected motherfuckers have no goddamned clue. The dumb-asses who elected you are as FUCKED as you are.

Fuck Israel and its struggle to to overtake a god-given sliver of dirt in the middle of no where. And ask what happened to all the Native Americans that used to live here? You don't see dead people under your feet or the absence of an entire civilization that once existed here. Fuck religion and ask why slavery is such a noble life when the rich obviously do not share your convictions? Fuck your puppet presidents who inherit a legacy so fucked up no one wants the office. Fuck all of you dumb shits for paying the taxes that drop bombs and still thinking your bitching is making a difference.

I am aware that only nausea separates the wealthy from the impoverished. I see how easily I could be wealthy yet I cannot stomach the thought of feeding off the suffering of others and gorging myself while others sacrifice so that I may be obese and opulent. I cannot cut out the aware parts of myself to pretend to be as fucking shallow and placid as you. I cannot make ornate pieces of green paper my sole reason for living when I am aware of so much more.

No, I'm not politically correct. This is what an existential crisis looks like. I see it as a coming to term and a meeting with reality as it is rather than I wish it to be. The solution is pretty simple from my perspective from the outside looking in. Kill each other all at once. Or give up your ignorant bullshit reasons to kill and die and accept you are all stuck on this fucking rock for 80 to 100 years and may as well make the best of it.

I understand this world is where the doe-eyed dead come to stay dead an pretend to be alive, but I wonder why the fuck I am here? This is what an existential crisis looks like from the inside out. But perhaps you'd prefer a psychological definition. "A stage or turning point where the person is faced with finding meaning and purpose in life. A psychological or moral crisis causing a person to ask questions about human existence."